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Name: Bobby
Country: United States
State: Oregon
Metro: Portland
Birthday: 6/12/1984
Gender: Male


Interests: something unforgettable
Expertise: abandonment
Occupation: Computer related
Industry: Media


Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website


Member Since: 12/29/2003

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Friday, July 13, 2007

I Think I Found Hank's Lost Highway

 I haven't written on here in awhile. Hello, drywall. Hope you've been enjoying yourself.

Depression eventually turns to anger, and then bad things happen. Depression is inately inactive. Most time is spent doing nothing, or as little as possible. Anger doesn't happen so smoothly. You get drunk a lot, get in bar fights, scare your friends, and contemplate doing things that you didn't have the energy for when you were just moping about how shitty everything is.

I'm angry. At what, I don't really know. I know it's bound to get me in trouble though. This whole place is completely fucked up, and there's no one to blame. Well, no one except everyone. I want to feel something other than disappointment. Pain doesn't do it.

Yeah, these are my problems. I can just "get over it" any time I want, right? I must like this, since I've brought it on myself for so long. Or maybe this whole place is completely fucked up.

I'm tired of cars, jetliners, mortgages, robotic manufacturing, agriculture, credit ratings, cruise ships, and highways. I don't want to deal with it anymore. I don't need any of this shit. All I need is a guitar.

I think I found Hank's lost highway
It's where i met J.D. and Mary Jane
You say I'm lost and full of sin
but all I hear is mandolin
And so I drift... along... so long.


Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Currently Listening: The Second Stage Turbine Blade

every street lamp seems to beat...

...a fatalistic warning | someone mutters and the street lamp gutters
look, a new day has begun

another trip to the corn maze over and done with. Joe, James, Larrie & Jenna, Mike & Tomae, Dan, and myself navigated our way through (almost unsuccesfully). this time of year always sticks out in my memory, along with harvest parties and costumes. halloween is my favorite holiday by far.


Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Currently Listening: Rest of My Life/Dont Fall Asleep in the Subway Pt.2
- The Rest of My Life

teaching me to hold my breath.

Waiting, it seems, is the lesson of the day. week. month. year.

I had a reason for my waiting once. A command, a prime directive, whose authority i no longer acknowledge. The lesson though, still sticks out; I am not what I was, but I am no longer what i should have been.

Now I wait, because every time I do not, every time I make a proactive move, it ends badly. Now I wait for something so undeniably true, some connection so inexplicably powerful, that waiting is not an option. I'm not sure if, with my attitude of ignorance, it is even possible to find someone like that. I'm fairly sure, actually, that until I start telling myself what it is that I love, I won't love anything. A defense mechanism perhaps; though being hurt myself is never my issue. I can get over my own shit. What hurts deeply is the knowledge that the hurt exists in someone, sometwo, somethree, somefour... I can't leave a chain of broken and empty hearts behind me in the name of truth, or the name of intellect, or in the name of Love. The ones that already haunt me hurt enough.

I'm waiting. I would have said once "I'm waiting on God." Now I say I'm just waiting on his world, may it keep on spinning. One day, I'll throw enough of myself into something to be emotionally hurt by its' failure. That day, I will no longer allow for failure.

I don't know how or when that change will happen, but I cannot get there on my own.

"If it's not going to work, it has to be you that gets out. I'm irish, we'll stick with something wrong until it kills us."


Monday, October 02, 2006

Currently Listening: The Aeroplane Flies High

poop.

fart.


Monday, July 31, 2006

Back to the Garden...

Social classes are most often defined by money. Generally, those who are born wealthy are also born powerful; born with a purpose already defined. In order to accomplish something, they must find a way to use their wealth and power, for whatever cause they adopt. Also generally, these people have far fewer great choices in life than those born without such wealth.

 

A comfortable society tucked into the center of an uncomfortable, wheezing and heaving region is doomed to its’ own lack of options. They have more to lose, and therefore, have more to defend, more to idolize, and usually, less moral ground to stand on.

 

Starkly different are the minds and values of those around them. They see the difference in “quality of life,” see the measure of success that those who have achieved define themselves, and see the inherent injustice of such a system. They do not, necessarily, have land, wealth, or material things to manage their lives for them. What they do have is those lives themselves. Any population with little to speak of as far as possessions will fall back on what they have, and what that life gives them is the ability to stand up, disagree, and… rebel.

 

The world is poised for change. That change will not come from America. We are far too wrapped up in Wal-Mart, Enron, and the price of gas to be political or ethical trendsetters. Our world is built on money, and our past and present corrupt practices with that money will soon reach their end, and our money system will itself collapse. Around this same time, somewhere on the other side of the world, some society will begin to “get it right this time” as we did a few hundred years ago, and will take our place, most likely following in our backward footsteps to get there.

 

Personally, I do not see Hezbollah as a threat. I do not see North Korea as a threat. I do not see Iran, Syria, Somalia, India, China, Russia, Argentina, the Congo, Lebanon, Palestine, or Muslims themselves as a threat. I see them as people, and they are apparently fed up with being used. They respond not with diplomacy; they understand that the entire field of politics, global or local, is completely tied up in money. They do not have money to offer any cause. They respond the same way America did under taxes from king George; but with modern twists. It is not possible to wage a rebellion in the open anymore, and so when they fight wearing masks, when they sacrifice their own lives for a cause they and a growing number of others believe to be just, we call them terrorists.

 

There comes a point where the terrorists win, and then they are no longer terrorists. They are colonists, they are sovereign nations, or global religions. If more than half the citizens in a country agree with the ideals of those defined as “terrorists,” then those of us calling them by that name need to seriously reconsider our classification system. Even more urgently should this scream our mistakes to us when civilians agree with the actions of those defined as terrorists.

 

Seeing the current madness, hatred, and lack of respect for America, Israel, and so many other nations that consider themselves more worthy of respect than those who disagree, there is nowhere left to apply blame but internally. it is now time to globally uncover what great injustice or series of injustices has gotten us into this position, and rectify it.

 

It cannot be done while we see ourselves as a solution to their problems. It cannot be done while we consider them, even in the darkest parts of our minds, parts which never reach vocalization, to be inferior.

 

We can’t win this war by trying to win. The closest we can get to winning is by losing with humility. The longer we try to beat our enemies with expensive machinery, high-tech weaponry, and political assassinations, the longer they will keep fighting before finally letting us lose, and the more impact it will have on regular people, here and there, who do not want anyone dead, but merely want to be left to their own lives.

 

 

A rich man must decide where to give his money. A poor man must decide where to give his life. One half of the world has long been negligent in what it gives its money to, and the other half is beginning to realize that their lives, rich or poor by the world’s standards, are of more value than the wealth that is worshipped by the first half.



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